Chapter 69
The Dog Who Spoke Russian
There once was a dog who spoke Russian. He was a Siberian Husky.
He learned to speak Russian at a very young age and spoke it fluently.
Unfortunately his master only spoke English.
He just thought his dog barked funny.
THE END
(Wow to think it had been a year since I had written one of my short, short, short, short stories… not one of my stronger ones… just getting back into it, OK? Sue me!)
Ants
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BIG SHOE
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…………………….*** ant (running away)
(It stinks but this thing won’t type this the way I’d like so I had to put all the periods in to place my Ants where I wanted them… I hope you all get the picture)
CHAPTER 67
BAD GENIE
Josh stared at the lamp before him. Could this really be what he thought it was? Is this the type that a genie would come out of? That would be so neat, he thought. Well, here goes nothing, he figured and rubbed.
POOF!
Yeah what do you want?
Are you a genie?
Yeah, yeah get on with it.
So, I get three wishes right?
That seems to be consensus, so yeah, three’s good.
Great! I thought about it before I rubbed so I’m sooo ready.
I’m here to give wishes. I’m not your bartender, so just wish away dude.
Right, right. I wish for a car…
POOF.
A Yugo shows up before Josh.
What is this?
It’s a car. I see that but you didn’t let me finish. You got me midsentence.
Yeah, sorry. A.D.D. and all. What’s your next wish?
OK but here me out first OK? I wish for a girl…
POOF
A four year old with pig tails appears before Josh and immediately starts bawling for her mother.
What is this?
You wished for a girl, and you got one.
Dude, I wasn’t finished. You gotta let me finish my sentences. I wish you’d stop doing that!
Easy enough. POOF… And the genie and his lamp were gone.
So where do you live kid? I’ll give you a ride home in my Yugo… if you fit.
THE END
Chapter 66
GUNNA’ EAT YO FOOD
You mind if I join you guys
No, go right ahead.
Thanks, I’m new here. I don’t know anybody.
Hey. I’m Al, he’s Rick, and he’s Sean.
What’s up?
Hey. Hey.
So, am I gonna like it here, or is it like every other school I’ve been to.
It’s alright, I guess. Just beware of Gunner.
Gunner? Who’s he?
See that really big guy at 7 o’clock? Gunner.
He must weigh over 400 pounds?
Yep, and he’s 14 years old.
How’d he get so big?
Eating. What else?
His parents should stop feeding him.
I think they have. That’s why we keep an eye on him.
I don’t get it.
He’s always hungry. And he’s sneaky. And extremely quick and stealthy for his size.
That guy?
And he’s right behind you.
Wha’? Ho. Heeey, how’s it going? I’m new here.
Gunna’ eat yo food.
Yes, actually, I was planning on eating my food.
Not question. I tell you, Gunna’ eat yo food.
(Grab, munch, swallow, slobber, swallow, munch, slobber)
Bring turkey leg tomorrow. Gunna’ like turkey.
Told you he was quick. Nice meeting ya.
Yeah, you guys too. Either one of you got a couple of bucks for lunch.
(All point at Gunner)
THE END
Chapter 65
The Price He Had to Pay
$127.95, plus tax
THE END
Chapter 64
Those Were the Days
Last Monday and two weeks ago Thursday…
The End
(This one’s a real cliffhanger, eh?)
Chapter 63
Equal Value
Bobby had a real problem keeping quiet in class. Day after day Mr. Simmons had to ask him to be quiet. He’d ask him politely. He’d scream at him. He’d threaten to call home. He’d threaten him with detention. Nothing he did would dissuade the young boy.
One day Bobby entered class and did not stop speaking for more than 15 minutes. After asking him to shut his mouth a few more times Mr. Simmons decided to do something extreme.
“Bobby, if you will not be quiet, then I’ll have to give you an assignment. Something that will make you think twice about speaking in my class. You are to write a 10,000 word paper on how you are going to be quiet. It is due tomorrow and it is worth 3 test grades. Failure to turn it in means that you will fail the quarter, the semester, the year!!!”
Ten thousand words? Mr. Simmons must be crazy, thought Bobby. He stayed quiet while Mr. Simmons taughts for a few minutes, then his demeanor changed and he went back to normal. Mr. Simmons frowned towards Bobby. “All I know is that your assignment better be done by tomorrow,” sneered Mr. Simmons. Bobby just smiled on him and went about his business until the end of class. When the school day finished, Bobby headed home to do his assignment. He found what he needed and got to work. Fifteen minutes later, he was done. “I hope this will do.”
The next day Bobby arrived in Mr. Simmons class and started talking as usual. Mr. Simmons looked to Bobby and asked, “Do you have something for me, son?” “I sure do,” replied Bobby, and he took out a folder and handed it to Mr. Simmons.
Mr. Simmons opened the folder and saw the cover page titled, “How I Can Keep Quiet”. He looked inside ready to strt skimming the essay and was astonished to find a number of photos of Bobby in different poses. In one photo he had his mouth stuffed with food. In a second one, he had his head dunked under water. In a third he had duct tape on his mouth. Mr. Simmons kept turning pages until he realized that Bobby didn’t write a single word. In fact, he had only pasted, and carelessly at that, ten pictures in the packet he turned in.
“What is this Bobby? I said I wanted 10,000 words, and you didn’t write a single one! Is this some sort of a joke?”
“No sir,” said Bobby, “I just gave you something of equal value, that’s all.”
Mr Simmons looked at him incredulously, “Equal Value?!?!?”
“Yes sir,” said Bobby, and then he began to philosophize. “Remember how in math class you told us that ten $10 bills is of equal value to a $100 bill and to a $100 check because 10 times $10 is $100?” Mr. Simmons nodded, not quite sure where Bobby was going with this. ”Well, I gave you ten pictures showing you how I can be quiet, and you know, ’A picture’s worth 1000 words!’ Do the math, Mr. Simmons!”
THE END
Chapter 62
The Dangers of Thinking
Somebody ticked Larry off. He decided he was going to give them a piece of his mind. Unfortunately he gave them the wrong piece. Now he thinks his name is Gerard.
THE END
CHAPTER 61
GHOST SHEEP
The young shephard tried keeping up with his mentor, listening intently as they walked.
“Keeping the wolves away will be difficult , but if you do all I’ve taught you the sheep will be safe. We’ll stop here.”
“Why are we stopping here, Master?” asked the young boy.
“That’s sacred ground over there,” replied the elder shephard.
“Sacred? Are people buried there?” continued the boy.
“Not people… sheep. I brought you this far so that you can see the result of negligence. DEAD SHEEP!”
The boy looked puzzled. “That land is sacred because sheep are buried there. You’re kidding, right?” (more…)
Allen stood under the tree, looking onto the park. The small child was on one of the swings, swinging lazily back and forth.
“He’s the one?”
“Yep, he’s the one,” came the reply.
“He’s not going to listen to me. He doesn’t know me. And I’m not going to offer him anything, like candy. That will just give him the idea that it’s safe to continue doing that.”
“You’ll figure it out. You’ve always figured it out.”
“Thanks a lot,” was Allen’s exasperated reply, “that makes me feel sooo much better.” He then started strolling into the park, approaching the boy sitting alone on the swing set in the twilight. When he got close to the area he decided to reach for the closest swing and to start swinging lazily himself.
The child never so much as looked to the side. It was as if nothing had changed in his surroundings. Allen had expected a glance. He wanted some sort of opening so that a discussion could take place. He thought for a second and devised a plan. (more…)
