Class Reunions… Yay!, (Yawn), or UGGHH…

It is hard for me to fathom because I just don’t feel old, but it has now been 21 years since I graduated from high school. I could have been born on my graduation day and been legally drinking a mojito today as I wrote this, which by the way would be nice, but I just don’t have any peppermint available at the moment. When I graduated from high school most of my current students’ older siblings hadn’t been born yet! And they themselves weren’t going to be brought into this world for another four or five years! Much time has passed since I walked the halls of my high school… as a student anyway, seeing as I walk those hallways every work day of my life, but that’s another story.

High school was a great time and I have a lot of great memories from that time in my life. I learned a lot, I grew a lot – physically (almost a foot in the four years) and spiritually – and I met a bunch of wonderful people during that time. It was great last year being able to get together with a bunch of my old mates to celebrate those four years that I shared with them in what seems like a whole lifetime ago, and at the same time like just yesterday.

The truth is, though, that I have found that for myself what truly defined who I am was my experiences in elementary school… my good old days at St. Brendan Elementary. I would dare say that most people would say this about high school, and though I can honestly say that I definitely enjoyed high school more, it was elementary school that dictated how my life was going to turn out. I think that this is why five years ago I went through such a great effort to find everyone from my elementary graduating class to have our 20 year reunion from St. B. And after a lot of effort it turns out that I was able to in one way or another to locate every single living member of that class (the one classmate not living being Liana Hidalgo, may she rest in peace in the presence of our Lord). I was excited about the prospects of bringing everyone back so we could all relive these all so important and formative years, and for some reason or another I REALLY believed that I coerce EVERYBODY to attend. Silly me.

I found out a lot about reunions while trying to put that thing together with the help of my five femme fatales, who did an excellent job of actually putting the weekend together. I realized what a difficult job it is to plan one of those things properly. I learned that without women nothing gets planned well… I found the people, but the girls did all the important work. And I found out that some people have NO desire whatsoever to see many of the people they grew up with ever again. This last thing is what I found most interesting.

Without naming names, other than my own, though I really won’t be using my name, unless I speak in the third person of course, but Wency don’t write that way, so it won’t happen, though it just did, but … where the hell was I?!?!? Oh yeah, without naming names I’m going to go through the accounts of three people in particular. I will refrain from using their names even though every single one of my classmates will know EXACTLY who I am talking about, but to keep them anonymous from anybody else reading this who may know them.

The first story that I’d like to share concerns one particular student who didn’t have it easy at St. B. This was a quiet kid who was shy by nature and apparently not very confident either. He would trip over his words while speaking many times. He wasn’t very athletic. And he was not popular… not by any stretch of the imagination. The clincher for this poor kid was that he had an odd way of walking… he seemed to walk on his toes. All these things put together resulted in reasons for many of his classmates to ridicule him. This guy didn’t have it easy. Some of the more bullyish kids took every opportunity to make fun of him, and from my perspective it seemed like these guys were making his life miserable. Oh yeah, and the girls joined in too. I’m not sure if he had many good memories of the time he was in St. Brendan elementary. There was ONE moment that many of us who went to school with him will remember. It was the day that one of our classmates, to be funny, decided to throw an apple at his head. Well, this quite, unassuming, and definitely anything but aggressive kid did something no one expected. He got up walked determinedly up to his aggressor and took a real good swing at his head… and connected, to everyone’s delight. This didn’t stop people ragging on him, but man did he earn a lot of people’s respect that day, including mine. I always thought this kid was a nice guy, but honestly I never paid much attention to him. We wound up going to high school together and graduated but I never spoke to him again… not for 16 years, until I found him preparing for this reunion.

I told him about the upcoming reunion and right away he sounded very excited. He told me he was looking forward to it, and to definitely expect him. I was really happy to hear that. Well, when the reunion weekend came, not only did he show up, but he was one of the most welcome classmates there. I saw a lot of the same guys who had given him a hard time sharing time with this guy, finding out what he was up to, and sincerely enjoying their time with him. The same was true of many of the girls. A few even commented on how great he looked, and what a nice guy he seemed to have come out to be… and how bad they had felt for ever giving him a hard time. It seems that this reunion was exactly what everybody needed to close a chapter in their books… one that would provide a happy ending to what had to have been until then less than wonderful memories. I think that this particular guy was already OK with the past. It seemed he had already turned a page on that part of his life. I think the ones who needed him there was everyone else who needed his presence to help them realize how much some of them needed to mature and to get a chance to ask forgiveness (some did) and receive it from such a classy person as this guy turned out to be.

The second classmate I want to discuss was another individual who had it tough. He was a social outcast according to the standards of the experts in our class. He had a tough time relating to others and really didn’t have many- if any -friends. When he did say something others took it the wrong way, and then others would give him grief for it. He was big and tall for our age, and maybe a bit clumsy. In the eyes of some his demeanor scared them. They felt like he was an angry kid, and some commented later on how they felt he was one of those kids who would one day just snap. In truth, he was nothing like he was painted to be. He was just another misunderstood kid by classmates who were just so certain they knew it all. We were right in guessing that he wasn’t happy, but we didn’t realize that it was the class itself… we ourselves making him miserable. He wanted to be a part of the class, but was just never let in.

I was able to find this particular classmate also for the reunion and told him that I was excited to see him… he had been one of the few that I had not seen since our 8th grade graduation. he was very kind on the phone, and extremely friendly. We had a great conversation. I thought that I’d be able to see him at the reunion. Shortly after though I received a correspondence from him. He told me that he couldn’t think of a reason why he should go. Nobody ever made him feel welcome, so why would he be welcome now? In fact his time in school with us was just one giant nightmare. He says he couldn’t remember one good memory. He was very kind in thanking me for finding him to invite him to the reunion and in telling me that I was one of the few people who didn’t make him miserable. But in the end he just didn’t want to go back and rehash the bad memories and feelings. I must say, I could understand exactly what he was talking about as I read his letter, but somehow I thought the reunion would have been good for him (like I’m some expert, right?). And after seeing how his classmate was received I could only think how maybe his presence would have maybe healed some of the wounds that were created so long ago. Then again, for all I know just being there would have been pure misery for him, and I find it sad to think that we took part in giving another person such a negative feeling about the experiences we shared there.

The last person I shall discuss was a person that got to see elementary school life from almost every possible perspective. This boy was for a time very popular, at other times he was greatly ridiculed. There were times when he was invisible and a nobody, while at others he was looked on as a class hero for his accomplishments. He was perceived at times as friendly and outgoing, and others as a spoiled brat. He had many friends at some points, while at others it seemed he had few or none. Yeah, that guy was I. Life was not always easy for “the brain of the class”. Depending on the day it was good to be that guy. If someone sat next to me, they thought I was a great guy. But if someone was competing with me I was a big jerk. My size didn’t help either. I was tiny, graduating from 8th grade weighing less than 90 pounds, and barely scraping over 5 feet. From 4th to 7th grade I had the fortune that my best friend was also the most popular kid in our class. That made me popular, too. But my smarts were threatening to the 8th graders who constantly abused me when I was in 7th grade, and going into 8th grade a number of my classmates thought it was cool to adopt the way the outgoing class treated me. I lost my best friend in 8th grade to “cooler” friends, and I wound up hanging out with the not so in crowd. I wound up in no less than five fist fights my 8th grade year to combat what I felt was unfair treatment from former friends. I was called bookworm, bird chest, and “Wimpy” (an apparent variation on Wency) and had to make friends with kids who had never been my friends before. My saving grace was a few girls that I wound up becoming pretty good friends with while I was in 8th grade, making my last year a lot easier. Still through all this tough time, I never let my head down. Somehow, I knew it would pass. And it did. And I think that the fact that I was able to enjoy (or not) both ends of the spectrum made me a more complete person later in life. It also made me very careful about how I chose my friends from then on.

The reunion for me was more than anything an opportunity. It was an opportunity to see all those who gave me a hard time and let them know that it was cool… we were young and many times stupid, and we were at the age where we didn’t recognize that we could be stupid and hurtful, or that we did realize it but didn’t understand the consequences that went with it. I also wanted to see those who did help me become a better me by sticking with me during the less than fun times. To me it was a great experience to be able to be in a room with all these old acquaintances and not feel the animosity that I once felt towards some of them. It put many things to rest. And to me it never felt like a status thing… the majority of those who showed up didn’t appear like they were there to show up anyone, the whole “look where I wound up, and what have YOU done with your life?” type of bravado that litters many high school class reunions. No, it was just a good opportunity to really just enjoy a few new fleeting moments with the people who grew up with us during the most important years of our lives.

Next week I will be gathering with “the girls” to plan our 25 year gathering. I am looking forward to seeing them, as well as the rest of my classmates. And hopefully those who couldn’t attend the first one five years ago will come to this one. I also hope to stay away from the liquor this time… my memory of day 1 last year is really foggy and that bothers me. I so wanted to relish every moment I was there and now I barely remember it. I’m also looking forward to contacting those who just didn’t want to come last time. The story of person number two was not unique. I heard similar stories from more than one other person. Hopefully I can change their minds this time around, and maybe their presence there will heal a few more wounds… Lord knows their absence inadvertently perpetuated them both for those present and those not. The story of the other two guys was also not unique as there were many other “nobodies” (I put it in quotes because that’s how they were treated, not who they were) showed up and contributed to a great time, and many others who endured both sides of the spectrum of “love” who found it unconditionally at the reunion.

So if you have a reunion coming up, consider going to it. Even if there is one person you run into that you can reminisce with or one person who gave you grief that you can years later sit down and have a beer with, it is so worth the while. I am definitely looking forward to the few hours I have with the people from my ‘hood. All I gotta do now is make sure that I can find them again. Wish me luck!