Quotes That Had Me Bent Over in Laughter

Here are some of the quotes made by or to friends of mine over the years that have made me laugh the most. A large majority of these you, the reader may not even find amusing. But to me they gave me priceless memories… you had to be there type of memories. I’m putting them here more than anything so that I make sure I NEVER forget them. I am putting them in no particular order… just as they come to me. I will also do my best to give a point of reference for each quote so that the reader will at least get a gist of the context. And thanks to all my friends for these great laughs!!

“Those ducks are CRA-zy” : Enrique Montoya
This quote was said as we were driving to North Carolina back in 1988 to go skiing. Enrique saw some ducks swimming in a partially frozen pond…

“Pretty sad if you ask me!” : Adriana Suarez
Adri said this during a New Year’s Eve party at Susie Rivero’s house circa 1989… she was a bit tipsy and was pointing at the Christmas tree (with her thumb and over her shoulder) that was up in the house. Actually the funniest part of this quote was the thumb over her shoulder… and the expression on her face.

“Eat grass, fag!!” : Alina Anrrich
Cute, petite, quiet little Alina came up with this beaut while watching a UM/FSU game at the Montoya’s house when one of the FSU running backs was leveled by a UM linebacker in the backfield in one of this rivalries biggest games… the following year Alina was a ‘Nole. Go figure.

“Now let me tell you who I really am.” : Jose Llerena
This little classic was shared with us by Jose at 3:30 am after we drove around aimlessly looking for a hotel to drop Pilar Montoya in just outside of Disney. She didn’t know where it was and we had no cell phones back then. We finally found the hotel and chose to eat at Denny’s at that time. After eating, someone who was not hungry was nice enough to offer their grilled cheese to Jose, at which another buddy of ours Sergio, who was also hungry balked, requesting half. Jose gladly obliged. Then he broke the bread (of the grilled cheese) and in doing so, blurted out the above line.

“It’s the meat’s birthday.” : Jose Llerena
Yep, Jose’s got another one in here. This one he came up with at Close Up in Washington D.C. We were eating a buffet at the hotel and they served tacos… not very tasty ones. After taking one bite, Jose just plopped his taco on the plate, and told this to Carlos Menendez sitting right in front of him who was ready to take a sip from a carton of milk. Carlos had no idea what he was talking about so he asked Jose to clarify, to which Jose replied, “The meat in the taco… it turned one today.” Carlos didn’t quite get to finish swallowing his milk… it came straming out his nose like Niagara Falls… CLASSIC.

“No, she’s the girl of the NEXT hour.” : Wency Ortega
OK, OK, so I quoted myself. It was just so timely. I told this to Ralph Annrich when we went to go see off the Lourdes girls for their Close Up trip, that included his sister Alina, and my friend Lili Morales. Upon arriving Ralph asked me in reference to Lily, “So, where’s the girl of the hour?” to which I said I didn’t understand his question. When he clarified that he asked about Lily, I came up with this response referring to her penchant for arriving everywhere late.

“You can’t handle the truth!” : Christian Machado
Yeah, you recognize this line from A Few Good Men, as stated by Jack Nicholson. But this line was said to much greater effect to me during my second year of teaching. I had caught this boy cheating red handed, and yet he denied it vehemently. After a while he simply asked me, “What do you want from me?” to which I replied, “THE TRUTH!” and he, without flinching came up with this one. It took every ounce of energy to not burst out in laughter, it was so perfect, but I couldn’t do that in front of the kid… I just couldn’t let him know that he owned me that day!

“De verdad que es fea la pobrecita.” : Jose Ros (translation: she really is ugly, the poor girl)
We were at a Burger King drive-thru window and the attendant asks us for our money to pay our bill. As the attendant takes the money and turns away, Jose turns to us and says the above statement. One problem… it wasn’t a girl. It was a guy named Roger (saw the nametag) and he had what appeared to be a three day stubble. Jose confused the guy because he had long hair and a high pitched Mike Tyson type voice… oh yeah and nail polish on his fingers. Frank Castillo, who was in the back seat, and I laughed all the way back to the Youth Center which is where we were headed.

“No, I haven’t seen it. I don’t like science fiction.” : Flash Fernandez
This was Flash’s response when we asked him if he had gone to see Apollo 13 when it came out at the movies.

“Look, Wency, she has a mustache.” : Patrick Archer
I was leading a Spirit Alive retreat back in 1993 and I had just met a girl (whose name I will refrain from writing here to protect her identity) there and was talking to her about why she had decided to come on the retreat. Sitting next to me was this little Godsend, Pat, who was mentally disabled, yet functioned at extremely high levels (and came up with some of the most profound ideas concerning God I’d ever heard) and wound up attending this retreat. Mid-conversation with this girl, Pat interrupts and innocently comes up with this doozy. I don’t embarrass easily but I definitely was embarrassed for this girl who to this day is a great friend (and let me add she DOES NOT HAVE A MUSTACHE).

“Are you kidding? I need a new liver!” : Frank Fuentes
This was Frank’s response to Javier Unzueta when Javi woke him up after a night of slightly excessive drinking at Orlando’s Howl at the Moon on most of our parts, and asked him if he wanted to attend 7am mass at the Polynesian Hotel in Disney (it was Sunday). I’m not sure what this had to do with mass but I had to admit it was hilarious at the moment. For those who are wondering, we wound up going to 9am mass.

“That is not my hangd.” : Walter Ormazabal (spelled hand that way purposely because his accent made it that much funnier)
We had just finished a Spirit Alive meeting at St. Brendan, where the meeting was a talent show. At the end of the meeting we chose to end it with a prayer, lit a candle in the center of the room, turned off the lights and asked everyone to hold hands. About two seconds after the lights went out, Walter came up with this line. It was very difficult to start the prayer after that.

“Did you hear that? She’s from Norway!” : Alina Casasus
Alina came up with this during one of our Disney trips with Spirit Alive. We were at Mannequins and Walter (from the above quote) was trying to pick up some girl about 8 inches taller than him. When he comes back, I asked him how he did, and he tells me not so well. At this point, I asked him if he at least got a kiss out of her. His response was that he was going to go back and try to get one. We all walk towards the bar and Walter jumps on the bar itself so he could look in her eyes, and tells her, “How’s about a kiss, baby?” to which she replies pretty emphatically, “NO WAY”. Well, Alina, who was a bit tipsy and didn’t know what was going on only heard her scream her reply and assumed she was from Norway, which didn’t seem so strange to her because we were there while the World Cup was being played in Orlando in 1994.

“You could get that in Publix, but it’s spencier there than in Costco.” : Warasi Galvez
You read that correctly… spencier. Wara was trying to tell me that something was more expensive than something else and came up with that word. I told him it wasn’t a word to which he replied that he used it all the time. WOW! This was but one of many examples of what we affectionately called Wara-ese, the language of Wara. I miss Wara since he left to Jersey. I wonder if his English has improved any up there. Call me when you’re down, WARA!!

“Mariconerias Mias!!” : Roli Diaz
This was the punchline to a joke Roli said to me while I was eating Oreos. He hit this line right as I was swallowing. Remember how my friend Carlos had milk come up his nose in one of the earlier quotes? Well, use your imagination. This joke is only funny in person, so if you want to hear it you’ll have to catch either him or myself in person one day.

“You hear that, she blows!” : Cast member of Mental Floss
It’s not really fair to start quoting lines from shows, but this WAS improv AND directed at a friend of mine, Mika Mazarredo. She was chosen to play “The Mating Game” in an Improv Show, and the “host” asked her where she went to school. She promptly told him she went to UM, and added so happily, “I’m a Hurricane!” You see the response.

Last but not least for now, here’s one my son came up with a couple of days ago that led me start thinking of old quotes that made me laugh…
“Look, Papi, that guy looks like Padrino.” : Lucas Ortega
Lucas came up with this while we were watching TV and a State Farm commercial came up. I found it on Youtube… here’s the link. This will only be funny to those who know who Lucas’s Godfather is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpfbbfanOJs

I hope that some of you found this enjoyable.. if any of you remember any moments that gave you and me a big laugh send me a message and I’ll be sure to add the quote to the list. These came up now, but their are dozens of others that have given me as big and sometimes even bigger laughs that I can’t remember right now. You jarring my memory would be awesome… Until next time!