Like Glass in a Baby’s Hands

Today I was back at work simply to clean up my classroom for the summer and to verify that the grades that I turned in were correct. Since it wasn’t a REAL day of work (no students or grading) I decided to take my little one with me. The tyke is 22 months old, and a bundle of energy AND a little crazy so I kept him in the stroller most of the time, for fear that he was going to make a run for it. But when I went into my classroom to tidy up, I decided to give the kid a break and I let him out of the stroller. Of course he tried to make a run for it (as I had expected) opening the door of my room and taking off down the hallway, but it was all for a good laugh. It actually appeared like he understood that I had him in the stroller for that reason because he went just far enough to hide behind a trash can, then started laughing when I “found” him and took him back to the room. Once inside my room he just moved around looking curiously at everything and helping me to throw away trash. (I’d give it to him and he’d “sort” it and put it in the garbage can. It was actually pretty cute) After a while he got bored though and decided he wanted to play with some of the stuff on my desk. Most of the stuff was harmless… an empty pen stand, a calculator without batteries, a stapler, a pair of scissors, a grenade, etc. Seriously, though, he was just playing with some plastic stuff on my desk, and then found a candle that was given to us at the beginning of the year. The candle was in a small glass bowl. When I saw him grab the bowl, I immediately told him to put it down. He did, for the moment. But when I wasn’t looking, he grabbed candle and bowl and took off for the back of the classroom. I noticed what he had taken off with and decided to follow him. When he saw me coming, I saw him do what he normally does when I am coming to take something away from him… throw it before I can take it from him. Not good. First I saw him getting ready to throw the candle. I gave him an assertive “No” so that he’d understand I didn’t approve and he went on and threw it anyway. By this time I was close to him, and knew I had little time. Again I told him “No”, but just as I reached toward him, he turned and threw the bowl where I couldn’t reach it (the kid has a really good arm for a 2 year old). The bowl bounced once without breaking, but before I could let out a sigh of relief it bounced a second time and shattered. I immediately grabbed him and took him back to his stroller, mostly because I didn’t want him to get cut with the glass on the floor, but also to show my disapproval. But I really didn’t give him a hard time about what he did. He didn’t know that what what he had his hands on was so fragile, nor could he understand its value. Fortunately, this bowl had little value, but would he have understood better if had been fine crystal? Probably not.

As my boy grows older he will little by little learn a little more about responsibility, and eventually he will be able to assign value to the things he is left responsible for, but even then sometimes he is going to wind up breaking something of great worth which may not understand, causing pain or anger to someone else while he looks on with a child’s innocence what the whole big deal is. In other words, what is the big deal?

This is how I’ve been feeling today as I watched the press conference where Albert Cutie announced that he will be joining the Episcopal Church. Four weeks after being caught in a compromising situation, Albert has decided that the best way to face the situation is to walk away from the hot water. He can just begin anew with his new “spiritual family” as he called them. He’s looking forward to working with them, but he has a lot of love and fond memories from his time as a Catholic priest. It really sounded like a guy who left one team and signed a free agent contract with a new team, looking to bring them a championship. But in looking at him, I couldn’t help but pity him. He really didn’t seem to grasp the fact that what he did was a lot more than give himself a chance at a new family. He was in the process destroying his current family. The glass bowl that he had his hands on, the Church which he had chosen to be his “bride” and was given to him to take care of by his own Father, had just been thrown and shattered, and all he could do was shrug and say, “What’s the big deal?”

I really believe that all of us are infants in wisdom when compared to our Heavenly Father. We think we’re so smart, but in the sea of knowledge that is our God, we can hold but a cup of water. So, I can see how the decision he made could be one by somebody whose intentions may have been good, but who just never had matured in the faith. It seems that all the glitz and glamor blinded him a bit and he can no longer clearly see what his responsibilities are. So he lets go of them in search of responsibilities he can more easily handle. But in the process he leaves a wake of pain and distrust that he obviously is unaware of. I can’t see how if he saw how much pain he was really causing, he could walk away, especially in the matter in which he did it. The only way to explain it is spiritual immaturity.

I mean, it really bothered me that the press was INVITED to see the defection. This is a slap in the face to the Church. He could have done this in a quiet ceremony with no hoopla, and in the process letting his Church, and his former parish family know what his plans were. Sure he had implied all this on camera, but it’s not the same as the humility necessary in doing this in person. And one asks himself if he would be doing this if he hadn’t been caught. It doesn’t appear so to me.

This is like a case of a man who is cheating on his wife, and gets caught red-handed by a friend. He is approached by the bride, and only at that point tells her that yes, he has been straying, and that he is conflicted. He needs time on his own. Then he goes around telling everybody else how he’s never felt as alive as he does with the new woman, leaving his bride to hear all this in the third person. Then he goes and announces that he is leaving his wife and marrying the other woman, again through indirect sources. The husband then decides to break off his 14 year marriage with his wife through the phone, going on to tell her that he will miss and remember all the good times they had, but is looking forward to his new beginning. Breaking up on the phone is something 6th graders do! Well, it appears that this is where Albert’s spiritual maturity is at this moment.
He is leaving his bride of 14 years and all his children, and he’s doing this through a third party, to boot: the media. But hey, no hard feelings, right?

Now, I’ve compared this to a divorce, and let’s not kid ourselves, this is exactly what it is. I myself have never been divorced, and I hope I never have to go through one, but I have seen it up close. Some 5 and a half years ago, Dania and I saw our closest friends go through a divorce that shocked most of the people close to them. For most it was completely unexpected, but it was definitely something that had been coming for a while. The divorce happened, but what nobody was ready for was the pain left behind. One of the parties in the divorce, the one that requested it, walked away with a smile on her face, no regrets and ready to start her life over again, which she did when she remarried less than 6 moths after her divorce. But everyone else was left with their lives shattered, from her husband and his family, to her own family, and extending out to her friends. Her two kids were the same age as my two oldest kids. They were inseparable. They were always together. Then the divorce came and she continually distanced herself from everything relating to her ex, the more our kids drifted apart. For years after the divorce, my daughter would ask us when we were getting a divorce. Every argument or disagreement made her believe it was inevitable. It took us years to let her feel secure in that we weren’t going to let it happen. That’s what that divorce did to US, and we weren’t even the ones getting divorced!

So imagine the extent of the pain that will be felt here now that a man (Albert) has left his bride (the Church) and all his children (his parishioners… he IS called Father for a reason). This causes a lot of pain and distrust within the family, whether his arguments for leaving were justified or not. And what we have now are people taking sides. Who’s in the right and who is wrong? Who hurt who first, and more deeply? And what is going to happen in the end is that some people are going to follow the Father, and others are going to follow Mother Church, causing a great divide, a war within a once thriving family, and all caused by dishonesty on the part of one of the spouses. Now Mother is not perfect, but she’s not at fault as we’ve mentioned before. Father knew the conditions. He just found someone more enticing as Mother aged, and went with her. And only after getting caught. To say he did nothing wrong is ludicrous. And to believe that he hasn’t compounded it now would be total ignorance, especially in light of the WAY he did it. But the truth is I still don’t think Albert is aware of how great this hurt he caused is, and it may be years before he recognizes it. He is just a boy with a glass bowl in his hand that he decided to throw, and as it shattered wondered, “What’s the Big Deal?”