Another LO… TISSUES, not just for boogies anymore

Today I was attending a party for a child of a friend of mine. Actually that child’s father was responsible for me becoming the writer/blogger that I’ve become. Please do not hate this child. It was not his fault. Hate his father. I’m KIDDING!!! I hate him enough for all of us already. AGAIN I”M KIDDING!!!!! The truth is that i am very fortunate to have been inspired to write by Rob, and it has opened up my mind to all sorts of creative possibilities, the first of which is what you are reading… the Life Occurrance. Remarkably NONE of this is what I’ve come in here to write about. No, this is one GIANT tangent, but what would you expect out of a Math teacher specializing in Trigonometry. Exactly, TANGENTS!
So, yes I have a point to this whole entry. I was about to leave the house this morning to attend this party with my wife and three kids in tow, when my wife reminded me to grab the presents. I, as a good husband, obeyed immediately so as to collect the necessary brownie points for future “fun” (wink, wink). In doing so, I made one grave mistake. I did not bring them in proper gift giving mode. (So much for the brownie points… I guess I’ll be blogging tonight… yep you are all a witness to this) Apparently somewhere down the line over the last few years someone created a certain protocol for giving gifts. They must be either wrapped, or must be given in a colorful bag… stuffed with tissue paper.
That is where the problem was. I brought the bag. I failed to bring … TUN tun TUN!!!… the tissue.
TISSUE.
Is it really necessary? I mean, isn’t it sufficient that it was gently placed in a colorful bag? I’ve never really understood the actual need for wrapping presents. Sure, I can appreciate that it’s fun for kids to just absolutely RIP and TEAR this paper to shreds. It must be thrilling for parents to see their kids expending their energy doing this in hopes that they have even the slightest bit less energy later. Yeah, and I guess that the surprise in their face is cool too. I never understood when people didn’t bring a present with the argument… “I couldn’t bring the present because I didn’t have time to wrap it.” Even more perplexing was when the answer to this was, “Of course, I understand.” You do? I don’t! To me it was a silly reason to deprive the poor kid out of getting his birthday gift. Then again, I guess it was a good excuse when someone forgot to buy a present. Both parties probably understood this, so it was just a nicer way of saying that the present was not bought.
But I thought we were off the hook when the bags began being used as an alternative… until I found out that the tissue was a prerequisite. Tissue! The same stuff you wipe your nose with when you have a cold. That’s what we’re putting in the bags. I don’t get it. Is this supposed to hide the present to simulate the surprised look or something? Maybe, but in my book, the tissue is just a waste of money and trees. Imagine a poor family of trees being informed that their young sapling was used simply to stuff a bag for 4 minutes, simply to be discarded without even the joy of being ripped to shreds for enjoyment, or the slight expenditure of energy. “He had so much potential… how could it end this way?” they’d be crying as they watered themselves and their seedlings in the hopes of creating a tree with a better purpose.
Tissue! Tissue is made for boogies, isn’t it?!? Why put it with presents? I hope that no one has to deal with the outside chance that a recycled tissue doesn’t get recycled properly resulting in a child pulling out a small surprise with his present. “Look mom a space alien action figure!! And it brought it’s own goo!! COOL!” Ewwwwwww!
Well, it turns out we had no tissue paper for the poor child’s gift. Should have I gone to the bathroom and pulled out some bathroom tissue? I mean it’s still tissue, and we have some lovely prints at home. And they are extra fluffy and soft and lemony fresh. Wouldn’t that do? Well, obviously it didn’t. And the mere suggestion, (and the supposedly implied sarcasm, which didn’t come across as sincere, even though I SWEAR that was my intent) wound up earning me NEGATIVE brownie points (I guess I’ll be blogging again tomorrow… look for me!)
So, I guess that the tissue is important in the end, though I still don’t understand why. And the more colorful the tissue, apparently the better, or so I’ve been told. The truth is that I’m glad I am not very sensitive. If so, i may have had to cry my lonely self to sleep tonight. That would have really stunk though, because I couldn’t have wiped my eyes or nose should that have happened. No tissue.
Tomorrow I am going to go buy tissue. Maybe I could negate the negative brownie points. Hey it’s worth a shot, right?
And by the way, Rob, I’ll be sending you the tissue to complete the package so you won’t feel I cheated your son. I don’t want to come across as insensitive or a slacker you know.
But for now, I will just silently enter the night, with another LO under my belt, sans the tissue paper. TTFN