Let’s go… Slaho!

CHAPTER 56
THE HELPFUL FRIEND

(KNOCK KNOCK)

Ryan walks to the door and opens it. He looks out and sees that it’s his friend Oscar.

RYAN: Hey, Oscar, what’s up?

OSCAR: Not much. Erin was talking to Dawn who told her you were doing some work around the house. Erin being the wonderful wife that she is volunteered me to come help you finish doing whatever you were doing.

RYAN: How nice of her. She must really want you out of the house, huh?

OSCAR: Yeah, yeah, whatever… what are you doing and how could I be of help?

RYAN: Actually I just finished. You want to see? Come, take a look.

Ryan leads Oscar to the back yard by the pool. Oscar follows closely, but reluctantly, truly uninterested in helping on this particular day.

RYAN: Check it out. I pressure cleaned the ebtire cool deck around the pool. It had gotten grimy and black from all the dirty water coming off the roof and settling on it. And look, if you want to see the difference… before and after… come look at this small corner. Sometimes it’s difficult to actually appreciate the difference once your done unless you have something to cmpare it to, so I left this so that Dawn could see how hard I worked. Pretty neat, huh?

OSCAR: Yeah. Cool.

The two stare at the dark spot on the floor, no more than one foot by two feet in size. There is a long moment of silence, when suddenly and abruptly, Oscar ends the silence.

OSCAR: So, you use a gas powered pressure cleaner, huh?

RYAN: Yep.

OSCAR: Aaaaand you ran out of gas when you got to this last little corner, didn’t you.

RYAN: Right again.

OSCAR: And you see no point in going to get more gas to fill the pressure cleaner’s tank to simply finish this one corner which would take no more than 20 seconds to do.

RYAN: Absolutely.

Another pause, but this time not as lon as the first. Oscar nods slowly and knowingly. Again, he ends the silence.

OSCAR: I think Dawn needs to see the difference in the color. Excellent work, Ryan. Whew, I’ve worked up a sweat. Let’s go get some beer.

RYAN: Great idea. We’ll pick up a six pack after we drop off the pressure cleaner. Beer’s on me. Thanks for all your help.

OSCAR: Don’t thank me. Thank Erin. I didn’t want to do any of this hard labor.

RYAN: What a friend!

THE END

Every couple of days I post something new

A story, a thought, a poem or two

I leave it in here for the whole world to read

Hoping to fulfill some reader’s need

I come back the next day and what do I find?

A comment was left by a wandering mind

A smile always seems to crawl onto my face

When I see someone posted here in my space

A random thought somehow makes it’s way

Past a hot cup of coffee onto this page each day

Every comment I get is from the same source

But that doesn’t ever deter me off course

Because that one small comment I always receive

Is what keeps me writing and makes me believe

That none of my writing was written in vain

And so I’ll come back tomorrow and start writing again

Chapter 55

Happy Moments in the Life of a Summer School Teacher

* “Look honey, I received my paycheck!”

* Sobbing teacher cries tears of joy because the three weeks of hell are over.

THE END

Today I was attending a party for a child of a friend of mine. Actually that child’s father was responsible for me becoming the writer/blogger that I’ve become. Please do not hate this child. It was not his fault. Hate his father. I’m KIDDING!!! I hate him enough for all of us already. AGAIN I”M KIDDING!!!!! The truth is that i am very fortunate to have been inspired to write by Rob, and it has opened up my mind to all sorts of creative possibilities, the first of which is what you are reading… the Life Occurrance. Remarkably NONE of this is what I’ve come in here to write about. No, this is one GIANT tangent, but what would you expect out of a Math teacher specializing in Trigonometry. Exactly, TANGENTS!
So, yes I have a point to this whole entry. I was about to leave the house this morning to attend this party with my wife and three kids in tow, when my wife reminded me to grab the presents. I, as a good husband, obeyed immediately so as to collect the necessary brownie points for future “fun” (wink, wink). In doing so, I made one grave mistake. I did not bring them in proper gift giving mode. (So much for the brownie points… I guess I’ll be blogging tonight… yep you are all a witness to this) Apparently somewhere down the line over the last few years someone created a certain protocol for giving gifts. They must be either wrapped, or must be given in a colorful bag… stuffed with tissue paper.
That is where the problem was. I brought the bag. I failed to bring … TUN tun TUN!!!… the tissue.
TISSUE.
Is it really necessary? I mean, isn’t it sufficient that it was gently placed in a colorful bag? I’ve never really understood the actual need for wrapping presents. Sure, I can appreciate that it’s fun for kids to just absolutely RIP and TEAR this paper to shreds. It must be thrilling for parents to see their kids expending their energy doing this in hopes that they have even the slightest bit less energy later. Yeah, and I guess that the surprise in their face is cool too. I never understood when people didn’t bring a present with the argument… “I couldn’t bring the present because I didn’t have time to wrap it.” Even more perplexing was when the answer to this was, “Of course, I understand.” You do? I don’t! To me it was a silly reason to deprive the poor kid out of getting his birthday gift. Then again, I guess it was a good excuse when someone forgot to buy a present. Both parties probably understood this, so it was just a nicer way of saying that the present was not bought.
But I thought we were off the hook when the bags began being used as an alternative… until I found out that the tissue was a prerequisite. Tissue! The same stuff you wipe your nose with when you have a cold. That’s what we’re putting in the bags. I don’t get it. Is this supposed to hide the present to simulate the surprised look or something? Maybe, but in my book, the tissue is just a waste of money and trees. Imagine a poor family of trees being informed that their young sapling was used simply to stuff a bag for 4 minutes, simply to be discarded without even the joy of being ripped to shreds for enjoyment, or the slight expenditure of energy. “He had so much potential… how could it end this way?” they’d be crying as they watered themselves and their seedlings in the hopes of creating a tree with a better purpose.
Tissue! Tissue is made for boogies, isn’t it?!? Why put it with presents? I hope that no one has to deal with the outside chance that a recycled tissue doesn’t get recycled properly resulting in a child pulling out a small surprise with his present. “Look mom a space alien action figure!! And it brought it’s own goo!! COOL!” Ewwwwwww!
Well, it turns out we had no tissue paper for the poor child’s gift. Should have I gone to the bathroom and pulled out some bathroom tissue? I mean it’s still tissue, and we have some lovely prints at home. And they are extra fluffy and soft and lemony fresh. Wouldn’t that do? Well, obviously it didn’t. And the mere suggestion, (and the supposedly implied sarcasm, which didn’t come across as sincere, even though I SWEAR that was my intent) wound up earning me NEGATIVE brownie points (I guess I’ll be blogging again tomorrow… look for me!)
So, I guess that the tissue is important in the end, though I still don’t understand why. And the more colorful the tissue, apparently the better, or so I’ve been told. The truth is that I’m glad I am not very sensitive. If so, i may have had to cry my lonely self to sleep tonight. That would have really stunk though, because I couldn’t have wiped my eyes or nose should that have happened. No tissue.
Tomorrow I am going to go buy tissue. Maybe I could negate the negative brownie points. Hey it’s worth a shot, right?
And by the way, Rob, I’ll be sending you the tissue to complete the package so you won’t feel I cheated your son. I don’t want to come across as insensitive or a slacker you know.
But for now, I will just silently enter the night, with another LO under my belt, sans the tissue paper. TTFN

You know, I find it extremely interesting how we as humans work.  We are siocial creatures by nature, but we seem to have such a difficult time socializing, and sometimes we don’t even realize it.

Take for instance my latest observation of life.  The use of technology like the iPod, or the cell phone, or text messaging will be my focus.  I am currently in the midst of another wonderful year teaching summer school.  the boys seem social enough in class.  They’ll do anything to not have to do any work (hence the reason they are in summer school), including, GOD FORBID, speak with each other!  Then the bell rings for their break and they go outside and go straight for their iPods.  They will sit in a group of five or six and they will be staring at each other while each is sitting there just listening to their iPods.  These guys must all be a bunch of bores.  You’d figure they’d be talking to each other otherwise, right?  I mean, that would make sense under normal circumstances, at least in my opinion, if that matters to anybody. 

Well, it does not matter to them, because the mere mention of them talking to each other results in blank stares as if I am speaking to them about the physics of air travel.  Their stare to me translates to, “Speak to each other?  Is that like allowed?  People actually do that?”  WOW!

Then, if they decide to actually say something to another person, they can’t remove the earpieces and ask the other to do the same.  No, they do the totally logical thing.  they yell in the direction of the other person, and if the latter doen’t understand, they’ll do hand signals to clarify their message.  Makes lots of sense right?  I was thinking that maybe we should just start teaching sign language in schools.  No really, hear me out.  then when these guys need to communicate they won’t have to worry about yelling or random hand movements… they could simply sign to each other and they’d be able to relay their messages.  in fact, this would teach our young boys to multitask!  Listen to musci and communicate at the same time!!  What a concept.  I’m sure they’d go for it.  Hey how about, we just let the boys bring the iPods to class, then we can teach them in sign language while they can eacgh listen to their own favorite music!  Maybe then they’ll be excited about coming to school right?

Another thing that copnfounds me uis the whole text messaging thing.  A kid can’t type a paper for himself, but man can they text.  They can send upwards of 100 texts a day!  Hey wouldn’t it just be easier for them to pick up the phone and call the other person and tell them whatever they’d like to tell them.  I mean it would save time over texting the same person 6 times to make sure they understood them properly, wouldn’t it?

OH YEAH, I forgot, they can’t call their friends.  Their iPod headphones are already there! And there is no way they can think clearly and relay a proper message if they are not listening to the proper music, right?  So text messaging is the only way, I guess.  Well, I’m glad that this has all been clari…

Oops, hold on, batteries are low. I gotta recahrge my iPod battery.

OK reconnected!  Now i can finish this entry.  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  I’m glad that this has all been clarified for me so that I can understand the intelligence that my summer school boys obviously have that I never noticed.  I only wish I can multitask like they obviously can.  How stupid of me to think they were actually lazy!  SHEEESH!

Now, as soon as my iPod is recharged i can start thinking again so that i can come up with another LO.  So where did I put that thing, anyway?

CHAPTER 54

PLEADING 

Mommy, can we go to the park?

No, son, I’m sorry, I have a lot to do.

Mommy, I really want to go to the park.

Sorry, baby, but the park will have to wait until tomorrow.

Mommy, I want to go to the park now.

Listen, sweetheart, we can’t go to the park today.

But, mommy, I reeeeeeaaaally want to go.

The answer is no.

I want to go!  I want to go!  I want to go!  I want to gooooooooooooo!

WE’RE NOT GOING!  END OF STORY!!

(It behooves me to continue this when it’s been already mentioned that the story has ended.  So what mommy says, goes)

THE END

CHAPTER 53 

ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick

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ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick

ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick

ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

whooo ohhhhh whoooooohoooooooo HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhd    MAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Jane get me off of this crazy thing!!!!

no no no n-noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW                  WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

SCREEEEEECH….ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick

CLICKCLICKCLICK

“That’s it?  It’s over?” 

“(when the car stops remove your belts, and step out to the right… step out to the right please)”

“Yep. Go on it again?”

“NOOOOOOO!!!”

THE END

I have it in me
Just need to plan
There’s a great product
Inside this man
Focus on the goal
Begin moving forward
Don’t wander off course
Keep things in order
The end’s in sight
The reward is sweet
I’m one step closer
To achieveing this feet
Won’t let distractions
Take my eyes off the goal
I’ll let my momentum
Keep me on a roll
I just gotta remember
To take a step at a time
And all that I want
Will eventually be mine
I’ve been blessed with so much
Now these blessing I’ll use
To achieve the outcome
Inspired by my muse
The time is still not known
When I’ll reach the destination
But that’s not going to stop me
Because I’ve got determination
I’ve always had it in me
I just never really knew it
Now that I’m aware
I’m setting off, and I’ll just do it

Sitting in my driver’s seat
But not going anywhere
Staring at my windshield wipers
Killing raindrops so methodically
Parked in a lot somewhere
And with my engine off
The ignition key is half turned
So the wipers can wipe periodically

I watch them go back and forth
Then they wait for a beat of “5″
Only to resurrect from rest
To remove a whole new water blanket
It’s what the wipers are made for
And they did it oh so well
I’m thinking of removing one
So I can take some time to thank it

Isn’t that what we all want
Just a little appreciation
We do what we’re supposed to
And then we’re taken for granted
It’s not like we should expect thanks
We must do what we’re made to do
But acknowledgement will keep us going
I don’t think it’s wrong to want it

The rain is now stopping
I count to five and the wipers go
They’ll only stop if I ask them
Their obedience has been noted
They don’t complain at all
But if they could, they’d probably think to
So I’ll step in and turn them off
In hopes that they’ll stay devoted

That’s all I really wanted to say. Hope you weren’t expecting to find more… sorry