I remember as a nineteen year old that I had a lot of energy. I was always out and about. If there was a gathering somewhere, I needed to be there. I was at every party, at every function. I remember seeing movie after movie after movie. Life was simple. Go to school (I was at the University of Miami at the time), study just enough so as to not embarrass myself, and go out and have a good time. I really had no complaints with my life.
It took nine months, but I’ve finally formulated a pregnancy worth of thoughts and come up with this L.O. I wish I was one of Adam Sandler’s friends. Yes you read that right, I want to be one of his cronies, pals, chums, what you will. I really don’t want to be Adam Sandler (no offense, Adam) for a variety of reasons which I may or may not feel inspired to share with you later. But I would definitely want to hang out with the guy. No, it’s not because I find him so insightful, nor does his fame attract me to his being. I’m not even sure he’s that funny in social settings (he may be, but there’s no way of me knowing that). But, I most definitely would want to be a guy that is fortunate enough to hang out with him.
I know exactly what you are thinking. Why him?!? Why not some sports superstar, or some stud actor with chicks all over him? Adam Sandler??!?!?!?!
STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!! I’m trying to get to that. Sheesh! If you’d only let me get to my point.
What was I talking about again, I lost my train of thought. Last i remember I was telling my brother in law how we were going to Disney even though we can’t afford it bacause we have these passes that expire in 10 months that we JUST have to use, but that’s not it. That’s why I’m passing on the Disney Cruise next year. OH YEAH, CRUISE!!! Adam Sandler, that’s what I was talking about. All right, let me fill you in on my thougths here.
If you think about it, over the last few years, Adam Sandler has been in many movies. Every single one of these movies has been anywhere from moderately successful to extremely successful. The movies haven’t always been critically acclaimed, but the general public in general has embraced them.
“So, Wency, what you are saying is that this is about Star Power?” Can I please finish a thought without getting interrupted? Sheesh!!! NO, this is not about STAR POWER! If that were the case there are plenty of other people that I’d choose over him. Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey, Stephen Spielberg, George Lucas, Queen Latifah, Pokemon, and the list goes on…
The truth is that’s it’s not his stardom that has me intrigued. It’s this… Adam Sandler takes care of his friends. What, you haven’t noticed? Take a close look at his movies. There are a bunch of guys that you’d only see, well, in an Adam Sandler movie. I know what you’re thinking. ‘What are you talking about?’
So, in other words, you don’t believe me.
Well, you know that quarterback in the Waterboy. You’ve probably thought to yourself, ‘What other movie have I seen that guy in, he looks familiar?’ The answer? AN ADAM SANDLER MOVIE. The guy’s name is Peter Dante and he’s amde a living out of appearing in Sandler’s movies. Now I’m not saying that this guy’s a bad actor, but you never (or rarely) really see him in any other movies. Now for all I know this guy is a genius on the stage, but to me it seems apparent that Mr. Sandler is continuously hooking him up with parts.
Have you ever heard of a guy named Alan Covert? Probably not. He actually has a pretty long filmography. Here let me list most of it for you:
Airheads
Happy Gilmore
Bulletproof
The Wedding Singer
The Waterboy
Deuce Bigalow
Big Daddy
Little Nicky
Mr. Deeds
Eight Crazy Nights
Anger Management
50 First Dates
The Longest Yard
Grandma’s Boy
Notice anything?: These movies all starred or were produced by, you guessed it, Adam Sandler!
But who is this guy exactly? You know him… he was Happy’s caddie in Happy Gilmore, the limo driver with the Michael Jackson jacket and glove in The Wedding Singer, 10 second Tom in 50 First Dates… no Oscar winning work, but work nonetheless.
Heck, even some others who once were known are now just working with their buddy for the most part. Remember Rob Schneider? Over the last 10 years he’s either been in a movie with Sandler in it, or one produced by him. There is the rare exception, but then again, this guy’s been around a while, right?
Now, please, don’t miss my point. I am not here trying to discredit these guys. They are earning their pay. They obviously are working for their pay. My point is that Adam Sandler is one awesome friend to look after his buddies time and time again. I’ve always said that if I make it big my friends are going to enjoy the ride with me. Well, Mr. Sandler, your my model… and my hero. You’ve done what I always wish I could have done and you’ve brought your friends along for the ride. And I’m sure your enjoying it more because of it. That is why I want to be YOUR FRIEND Adam Sandler. I don’t want to be a big movie star. I just want to be along for the ride.
Now, it’s not like I didn’t have my opportunity. It just so happens that back in 1991 I had breakfast and lunch with none other than, that’s right!, ADAM SANDLER. Carrot Top was there too, but this isn’t about him (no diss to you Topper, you are hilarious in your own right). Sandler was on a SeaEscape that I happened to be on as one of the comics, along with Carrot Top. I had no idea who this guy was at the time. It just so happens that he walked in right behind me onto the ship. He needed some directions so he asked none other than me, bacause I looked like I would know what I was talking about. When I asked him why he needed to find out where he was going, he told me that he, and this crazy red headed guy next to him were the performers that night on the ship. After alughing at him, he proceeded to point out a picture of him on a poster promoting him, and we were sold. Not knowing anybody on the ship, he asked us if we would want to join them for breakfast. Of course we agreed. We spent the next 45 minutes talking about what he can make fun of in Miami (Hialeah came up right away, as well as our friend Jose, who was also eating with us). He thanked us and went on his way. Later when we went to the cafeteria to have lunch, we ran into them again. Again we ate with them, hanging out for another 45 minutes.
Now, I had no idea who this guy was. Much less who he was going to be. I wasn’t overly impressed with his act, except whenever he made fun of Jose, and actually found Carrot Top to be much funnier. But then again, we were on a cruise and he did seem as if he’d been enjoying the cruise quite a bit before his act, if you get my drift. Regardless, if I would have known who this guy was going to become, I would have given him a grand tour of the entire ship, bought his drinks, kissed some major booty. True, nothing would have probably come of it, but i wouldn’t be here lamenting about a missed opportunity.
And you probably think I’m making this up, don’t you. But I can guarantee you that I’m not. In fact I wish that Adam Sandler were here right now so that you could ask him if this were all true. I can almost 100% guarantee to you that his answer would be that he has no freaking idea what we are talking about, which is proof that he drank too much on the ship, and that let’s face it I’m not that memorable, but it doesn’t disprove the truth. That or youcould ask Jose, who would probably deny the whole story after the way Adam Sandler rode him in his act that night.
So now, I lay awake at night, wondering what could have been… actually I don’t do that. I just wish that somehow Adam Sandler and I could be friends. Why? Because I want to be in the movies and if we were friends I probably would have had that opportunity. He would have given me that chance, because Adam Sandler is a great guy who looks after his boys!!! I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ADAM SANDLER!!! What do you say, huh? Take your time. Get back to me on your own time. I know that you’re probably brainstorming with your pals as we speak seeing what you can come up with now. Well, in case you have a dearth of ideas, I’m available. Not just for the ideas, but as a friend. And I ama great friend. No, really I am. Really. Befriend me. Please.
OK, I’ll stop now. But I hope everybody now understands why I want to be his friend. Wouldn’t you want to be one of his friends too? I can’t blame you.
Well, until the next Life Occurrence, I’m off. I promise to get one out sooner then nine months this time. I promise. Unless of course Adam Sandler needs a shoulder to lean on.
(By the way, if anyone who happens to read this KNOWS Adam Sandler feel free to pass this on to him. Just in case he’s in need of a friend, you know?)
