Twin Hernias (or is it Herniae?)
Life can be funny, you know. Just when things seem to be going very good, you are dealt a curveball. For example, I just found out last week that I have not one, but TWO hernias. They say misery loves company? Well my first hernis must have been miserable, so he invited a buddy over. Unfortunately, I hadn’t invited either over. PARTY POOPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So now, it seems that I need surgery. I will be going under the knife in approximately 12 days. OK, in EXACTLY 12 days, if you want to be nitpicky. So does this make me question GOD? Am I angry or do I wonder “Why me?” Nope. It makes me wonder. LIFE OCCURRENCE, you know?
Yes, I am now wondering how in God’s name did people survive with these things before someone figured out how to operate them. Right now, if I stand up for more than 30 minutes, I get really uncomfortable, and if I continue to stand up any longer the discomfort converts to outright agony. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Sit down, doofus!”, and I would except it’s extremely difficult to teach while sitting on my pitushka. (I like that word, pitushka… I’m not sure that it means what I’m planning for it to mean, but it sounds right, so I use it… tush is in the middle… and it does sound better than pitasska)
What was that?!? Who interrupted my thought process… GEEZ!
As I was saying this thing REALLY HURTS. How did people live with this. I can just imagine some guy saying, “Oh my God, it really hurts alot really close to my pipi, especially when I’m lifting things.” To which his friends respond, “Then don’t lift things, doofus!” Sound familiar? I thought so. But what happens? The pain just doesn’t go away. Then this poor guy doesn’t get to lift anything ever again. Did they know to ice it. Was his wife nice enough to massage it… at least until she realized that this just made it worse? This really must have sucked. Did it just get so bad that the poor chap would just succumb? I dread these thoughts.
The truth is that I’m not really thinking about these guys. I’m wondering about the real geniuses of the time. I’m talking about that guy that discovers that those guys who get these pains wouldn’t have to work another day of their lives. They would have to sit around and have everyone else do their work. WHAT A DEAL!!! THen when asked what their life was worth, these geniuses would reply, “I can delegate”. What a gig!!!! These guys could probably tell everyone what to do, and use the excuse, “I can’t ACTUALLY do it. I’m hurt. But I can tell you how.” What a life! And you know these people existed. That’s where upper management was created, I’m sure of it!!!
Of course then one day the gig was up. Somebody learned what the problem was and learned how to fix it. Now these guys were out of luck, and they had to go back to doing real work. So they created COMPUTERS!! GENIUS I tell you!
As for me, I’m just glad that they figured out how to fix this dumb thing. It stinks to not be able to carry my kids or to move my things from place to place or to exercise. I’m actually looking forward to the procedure so that I can have my life back. But then I’m not going to be able to lift anything at all for approximately another month. Or is it two? HONEY, CAN YOU GET ME MY BOOKS, I’M STILL RECOVERING!!! (genius, heh, heh)
By the way feel free to visit me while I recover. I would love it for you guys to come over and help me… to get better, of course.